Life is a living hell, and that is the place I am at in my life. I am entrapped inside myself. It feels like a nightmare. The pain is unreal. The loneliness is real, and yet I still have no clue to why I feel or act the way I do. Guess all I can do is continue to live one day at a time. I already do that for the majority of the time.
I try so hard to be loving and yet truth be known I really have a hard time with people. I don't trust at all, it is really difficult for me. I have always been hurt throughout my life and nothing seems to make it better. I try to hide behind a smile, hope, and faith, but it does not work. Day after day, I live in the same situation all the time with no let-up! Barking dogs that live inside our house, a child with mild to severe Autism that can't seem to function or stay on task or able to use the tools that were taught to him. Heck! I can't even concentrate. The worry of which dog is going to piss on what piece of furniture, which one is going to get out and wreck havoc on the whole house. or which two are going to get out and attack one another if we leave for just a little while. So many questions!
Our house is so bad filled with mold, lots of it. I am almost scared to see what kind it is yet I want to send it off to be tested! I know that this house is making me ill, but what am I to do. I really can't complain, though, why? Hmmm because I have lived in a lot worse than this. At least the water works, there are no roaches or rodents, both bathrooms works and the tubs aren't falling through the floor, the wiring isn't hanging from the ceilings and two trailers wasn't just smashed together in the attempt to build a bigger home... so all, in all, I do have a "better" place than what I did have.
There are days that I would just rather throw in the towel and say take me away, other days I don't want to knowing what my family would feel like if that were to happen, It's just so dang hard, it's hard when you see someone type on social media that has a medical condition that says " Love your life, live your life, and make memories." it's so much harder than to "love your life" or just to live your life
